🏰Thrice at Disneyland: Rocky is my Hero!🏰

Injury-prone as I am: I have a foot-to-knee cast, so naturally, a Disneyland trip with my mom, and my bestie Rocky is the only sensical thing to do. We are horrifyingly excited to rent a wheelchair for front-of-the-line-misuse! My mom was acting wildly uncharacteristic *in weird ways*. She called two different women, men. (Based on nothing, other than looking at their "masculine shoes" apparently?) She damn-near close-lines one of the ride operators by putting her arm out, timed just right (or just wrong, depending on who you're talking to), just fuckin' locked (strong as she is), right as he's walking by and this dude *FLEW* a good five feet back, right on his ass. He quickly assessed and started laughing almost immediately — so we started cry-laughing, unable to help ourselves due to the utter absurdity. My mother just accidentally chin-checks a Cast Member, with zero consequence to herself, but me..? Tears coming from my eyes, and best believe piss is leaking down my leg. Escalating quickly to a full-blown horsepiss-style jetstream. Rocky is sat next to me...yes, we're definitely still locked the fuck in! They unlock us, but it was too late. The dollar-sized souvenir of a wet-spot was branded to Rocky's upper thigh...and we weren't riding Splash Mountain, y'all. My quick-drying-for-a-reason tracksuit is proving ineffectual; it looks like I just pulled them straight out of the wash...but the smell suggests otherwise. You think that's enough? Nope, not today. We go to get something to eat. Sitting at the table, with our Clam Chowder Bread Bowls (Mmm!) and my mom suddenly needs her fork. (Why the fuck did she need a fork anyway?! We're eating soup with an edible bowl!) My sweet, doesn't-dare-ever-curse-mother then says, "Ugh, now where is my fork? I bet that fat bastard over there took it!" Full conviction and far too loud...like she forgot she was talking out loud. This uncharacteristic shock-statement sent me straight to Horsepiss Lane. Right there...in the cloth-based, rented wheelchair. At the end of the night, we hadn't premeditated the panic that would ensue when we had to return the tainted wheelchair. My mom, not having a poker face to save her life, decides to grab my hot tea and drop the tea on the seat, right in front of the wheelchair return Cast Member. It is the most dramatic, theatrical...fantastically ridiculous show unraveling before our very eyes. Overly pronounced, grabbing the drink from me and then the "Oops!" with obviously fake-surprised look on her face. She tries to spill the hot tea on the chair, in a slick move...that still has the FUCKING LID ON IT! She fluidly removes the lid, to her credit was executed quickly enough, but her acting is just so. Hard. To. Watch! The Cast Member is just standing there, jaw wide open, confused to all hell...not able to make heads or tails of this weirdo lady's goal here. While Rocky and I are doubled over, uncontrollably laughing once more...and inevitably the piss stream that followed. A large stream, with nowhere to hide the evidence. Thrice at Disneyland, in a single day, folks. Thrice! #PissPantsPossible #RockyIsMyHero #WetSpot 💦💛